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From: carim at
Subject: ABOI: Recipe for Windows 95

This is funny stuff! I couldn't stop laughing! :) You know the best kind of humour is humour that is all true.

After installing it and using it, I am posting this "Recipe" It is tongue-in-check but based a lot on the technical details of Win95.

Recipe for Windows 95


2 cups of Windows 3.11
1 cup of Windows for Workgroups 3.11
1 tbps of Microsoft Lan Man
1/2 cup Netware WINUP9.ZIP from
1 cup free Microsoft 32bit TCP/IP from their BBS
1 cup of MS-DOS
1 cup of OS/2 Warp
1/2 cup of 32-bit developers extensions to Windows

1 large mixing bowl
1 saucepan
1 oven set at 350

In saucepan on low, boil WFW311 until only networking items remain. Combine MS 32bit TCP/IP, LanMan and Netware, stirring constantly to ensure an even mix.

In large mixing bowl, place regular Win311. Massage until device driver structure is totally unrecognizable, guarenteeing most current drivers unrunnable. Replace with unknown and proprietary drivers, making sure to only add support for the most popular hardware options.

Place the MS-DOS onto a cutting board. With a large meat cleaver, hack off Doublespace, Backup, and half of the useful DOS commands. Place the remains into the bowl, setting aside the hidden files MSDOS.SYS

Place OS/2 Warp on cutting board, hack off HPFS, Crash-proofing, pre-emptive multitasking, and everything else useful, leaving something that resembles the Workplace Shell in appearance. Place this into bowl.

With hidden boot files from MSDOS, CAREFULLY combine with 32-bit extensions. Place into bowl.

With large wooden spoon, vigorously mix contents in bowl, permitting computer rag reporters occasional glimpses into the mess.

Place contents into bread pan and bake at a low heat for a couple of years. When a Microsoft application can be inserted and withdrawn without clumps sticking, pronounce done. (It doesn't matter if non-Microsoft apps stick or not)

I almost forgot the last line of the Recipe!

Ram unpalatable mixture down the public's throat!

You forgot to mention: Write on the package 'All New Formula'

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.

Copyright (C) 2009 Brandon Long. All Rights Reserved. / Terms of Service

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